To Louis Marinelli on marriage equality repost by RJ

Last summer, I had written this in my earlier blog to Mr. Louis Marinelli.  I am reposting it here for everyone’s reference:

Since I am so very good at making lists, I wrote this long comment response to Louis Marinelli, owner of OneMan-OneWoman.org in response to an article he wrote on the homosexual agenda:

Louis,

While I thank you for the polite and well detailed post, there are so many misconceptions you have.  I may ramble and cite a few points that I agree with:

1. You consistently and constantly reduce us to “homosexuals”.  Yes, we’re gay.  We possess an innate emotional and physical attraction to the same gender – but we’re also so much more.

2. You’re correct.  There is a difference between gay couples and straight couples.  That is a difference but, outside of procreation (which the human race is having NO problem with), it is not a fundamental difference.

3. There is no “homosexual lifestyle”.  We pay rent.  We work.  We have relationships.  We have friends.  We go to bars.  We go to clubs.  We dance.  We sing.  Some worship in their own way (I am a religious person, but not a Christian one).  We have sex.  We get sick.  We have families.  We have values.  There really is no individual drastic set of behaviors that one can bundle up into a single “homosexual lifestyle”… unless you are simply saying that because I fall asleep at night with my boyfriend in my arms instead of a girlfriend is the sole basis of a lifestyle variation.

3. On promiscuity – I agree with you completely and absolutely detest promiscuity.  Let’s not forget, though, that monogamy was not originally a Jewish/Christian model of relationships (Jewish culture promoted polygyny).  Instead, monogamy – or monogamous marriage – was originally a Roman/pagan ideal and was considered gender-neutral.  Does that mean promiscuity is detestable?  Not necessarily, but it is less healthy in the long run.  I say this as a gay man who is in a monogamous relationship with another gay man.

4. You are misusing the studies you cite (1 in 5 being HIV positive and the San Fran based study on open relationships).  While HIV is a significant problem among gay and bisexual men (not among gay women, mind you), the numbers are off given that the interviews took place in urban areas and 65% of those interviewed were at gay clubs/bars, where the hook-up mentality is still in play.  The same can be said for the San Fran study, which exclusively interviews couples in one particular area of San Fransisco.  Of course, I would caution you to not use HIV as a selling point for any argument.  It is a disease, plain and simple.  It is not a punishment.  It is not a negative attribute or consequence of being gay.  To pander HIV as anything more than a disease that needs to be cured is akin to the antiquated ideas that blindness was caused by the sins of the parents or the leprosy was a punishment for wickedness – both incredibly foolish assumptions.

5.  I thought it horribly inappropriate that Juan Williams was fired from NPR for his statements.  I know many gay men and women who agree with me.  We’re not all radical liberals.

6.  I know many gay men and women, while detesting the owners of “Just Cookies” for their decision, recognize that they are a private company.  Still, if they’re receiving a monetary break in using a public facility in an area with strict anti-discrimination clauses, they should be required to relocate to a privately-owned establishment.

7. Re: your comments on the UK and Canada, they have defined legislation on hate speech.  We do not.  Still, you MUST accept that while free speech is a guaranteed right, expression of free speech does not protect one from consequences of said speech.  There is also a fine line that must be drawn between the freedom of speech and libel/slander.  If speech causes or inspires harm to others, is that acceptable?  Surely not in a civilized society.

8. And I will outline my agenda (this is MY agenda, not some monolithic “gay agenda”) clearly and honestly (my ten point agenda):

i. I wish to see the full repeal of DADT.  Gay men and women share locker room and sleeping facilities with heterosexual men and women all the time.  Even in close quarters, we are generally more accustomed to sharing these facilities with people we may or may not be attracted to for much longer and are often more civil and polite.  The same cannot be said of straight men if they suddenly had to share these facilities with straight women.  The only reason I am not in the military today is that I refused to lie when enlisting via ROTC.

ii. I want to transform society to a point where we live in a nation where LGBT youth or perceived-gay youth are free from harassment and assault from their peers, family, and “friends”.  Without irrational claims, there is a very clear connection between social hostility and depression in LGBT teens that often results in suicide.  I want to see the complete abandon of the word “bullying” for the appropriate words “harassment” and “assault”.

iii. I wish to live in a world where I can walk down the street of any city holding my boyfriend’s hand without people yelling “faggot” or assaulting us.  I’ve been assaulted once myself.  I don’t wish a repeat experience simply because I love a man instead of a woman.

iv. I want to live in a society where gay men and women are not fired from their jobs or kicked out of their homes for being gay.  It happens and it shouldn’t.

v. I am a gay man who is HIV negative.  My boyfriend is also HIV negative and we are monogamous.  My mother has a heart condition that requires she have constant surgery and often needs blood transfusions.  We are both universal donors, which means a low available blood supply for her.  I would like the ability to donate blood to my mother in the case of an emergency situation since I am the only other family member who matches her blood type.  I am forbidden by law because I am a gay man.  Please note that the blood supply is actively monitored for the HIV virus.  Lifting this ban would increase the blood donor supply at low risk.

vi. I would absolutely love to see the HIV epidemic end through the discovery of a vaccine/cure.  Until one is developed, I would like to see a crack down on testing – requiring every physical exam to include an HIV blood test for everyone, despite whether they are gay, straight, virgin, or whore.  I want to see antiquated bathhouses shut down and a law forbidding the filming and distribution of gay and straight pornography where condoms are not used.

vii. I want to live in a society where the government that I pay taxes to, just like you, will treat my significant other and me as more than glorified roommates.  I want the ability to live anywhere in the nation and have the state and federal government recognize that I am not in a “domestic partnership” or “civil union” or housemates with the man I love.  I’d like the ability to share my health insurance with him, to visit him and make uncontested medical decisions for him, to co-adopt and raise children without parents so that they don’t have to live out what should be the best years of their lives alone and without paternal love, and to inevitably put a ring on his finger and call him my husband without being questioned or ridiculed by strangers.

viii. I want to live in a society where I am free from religious persecution.  My religious beliefs are so in that they do not judge or place restrictions on my romantic relationship with my boyfriend.  I feel that by enforcing laws according to the religious beliefs of larger religions is, in fact, a very real replica of the religious persecution our founding fathers sought to escape.  The laws of our land should not reflect the establishments of one particular religion/social order over those of others.

ix. I’d love to live in a world free from unnecessary social conflict such as this.  Marriage equality is just that – the opening of civil marriage to others despite innate sexual orientation.  It in no way, shape, or form harms, prevents, or discourages rational heterosexual men and women from marrying.  I will one day marry the man I love.  My sisters are both planning on getting married to the men they love.  The thought of my future marriage doesn’t change anything for them.  There are no consequences.

x.  Lastly, I want to live in a world where I do not have to face those that lie about me, slander me, or reduce me to half-citizenship.  Our government is established for our equal protection.  It causes very real and avoidable harm to gay couples/families for our government to be in the business of picking and choosing which households it will give over 1000+ rights, benefits, protections, and responsibilities to.  This fight for marriage equality will favor equality in the end.  I think you and I both agree that we’re sick of fighting this fight.  Given that my boyfriend, whom I love, and I will be the ones harmed and the ones without, can’t we simply agree to stop fighting it?  Have your free speech all you want, but the moment you influence that in any way, shape, or form to change the way our government treats me, you cross a very dangerous and, from my faith-perspective, extremely immoral line.

That is my agenda.  Is there anything particularly “gay” about it?

Best wishes,

RJ

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